Written by Naren on November 4, 2008
Chosen by Lhart on February 14, 2009
Before plunging into this topic, it is essential to understand the true meaning of sex. Do we really know what sex is? The dictionary defines sex as an act of intercourse between animate beings. Is that all? Is sex only an act?
More than that, sex has truly been misunderstood and devolved into something ugly. It has been reduced to some kind of perversion and considered dirty. It has been condemned, repressed, and fantasized about so much that people have forgotten its true essence. Some societies won’t even allow people to talk about sex, while in others just to utter the word sex is taboo. In western society, sex has become an object of fantasy. People think about sex so much, it has become one of life’s ultimate purposes.
Why so much fuss about sex? Why cannot we accept sex as a natural phenomenon? Without sex, no life exists. You, me and all the living organisms in this universe -- aren’t we all the products of sex? Isn’t sex then the source of life? Shouldn’t sex be then considered as creative energy?
Sex is beautiful, throbbing, and alive. Sex is divine, but the society we live in has been instilling this idea that it is dirty, so it should be inhibited. This inhibition, this denial, this obsession, this over fantasizing , are responsible (both directly and indirectly) for the rise of such heinous and inhumane crimes: rape and murder, violence and abuse, and pornography. These are simply a byproduct of our repressed mind. On one hand, we desire sex and on the other hand, we repress it, leading to fantasy; because, we are taught to be afraid, ashamed, and guilty. Instead of embracing the notion that sexual desire is absolutely natural just like thirst or hunger, we condemn it, which is foolishly unnatural. Now, our mind has become so sexual that it has become perverted, ultimately projecting sex into a momentary act of pleasure, when it should have been a moment of divine experience and blissfulness.
Following is a list of five golden sutras that will make sex a joyful, divine experience, not just an act of momentary fun or release of energy:
1. Trust
This is the first step. Without trust, don’t even dare to jump into sex. There should be trust in both sides. Trust means respect and respect means love and love brings compassion. But, there are people who do not care about love; all they care about is bodies. Any “body”, any “flesh” will fulfill their sexual need, which results in boredom, and reduces sex into some valueless object. Sex shouldn’t just be limited to a physical compulsion; it should be a union of body, mind and soul. It should be something deep, not superficial. Only in that deepness will all three disappear -- body, mind and soul, and you will become one. Only in that oneness you can find the true benediction of sex.
2. Drop Your Fear
Fear is the biggest turn off to sex. Don’t be afraid to approach sex. Don’t worry too much about what he or she is thinking. Don’t worry about the right or wrong techniques. It does not matter. Don’t worry about the performance and the various postures.
Sex is not a drama. So don’t act. Be real. Just move into sex naturally, without any fear or guilt. Don’t try to implement sex tips that you have read in books, videos or magazines that teach you “how to do” sex. Those are absolutely stupid ideas. There is no right or wrong way of having sex. Sex is not algebra where two plus two equals four. The whole concept of “how to do” sex is baseless. So, don’t follow these tips and waste your energy trying to make love; instead just be in love. When you approach sex through love, right posture will come by itself.
3. Don’t Rush
Don’t make sex like your 9-5 job. All day you look forward to getting out of the office and going home. The moment when the clock’s hand hits 5, it is the moment of climax for you. Sex has become an act – a work, or a performance to most of us. Our mind is so worried about so many other things that we cannot even enjoy sex, and all we want to do is just try to finish it off just like our day jobs. We are in such a rush to reach a climax -- how can we enjoy sex? Sex is not fast food, take your time and be patient. Each and every moment in sex should be a joyful experience, so take it easy and relax.
4. Drop Your Ego
If sex is approached with an egoistic mind, you will miss a wonderful experience. Instead it will simply become a waste of your time and energy. Just don’t drop your clothes, drop your mind as well. Be absolutely naked. There should be no fear, no pride, no prejudices and no ego. Only then can enjoy sex in its totality and it will become a sacred or holy experience, rather than a repetitive exercise. Repetition will exhaust you. It will drain all your energy and make you tired, physically and emotionally. That’s why most of the time sex leaves us guilty, bored and depressed.
5. Be Meditative
This is the most important step. Approach sex like a meditation. Drop your thoughts. Don’t think. If you think, then mind will tell you to do this and that. The moment you start worrying, you will be disturbed. How can you enjoy sex when you have hundred things on your mind? So just be playful. Forget everything, and let sex happen on its own. Don’t rush, just relax. Be conscious of every moment. Immerse into each other, and be ONE.
Final Words
In nutshell, let sex be natural. Enjoy it the most you can – because it is the greatest gift. Neither repress it nor indulge it. Rise and go beyond it. Let it be a meditation, not an instant gratification.
